


Shattered Porcelain

by SisterDuffin



Category: Casualty (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 18:37:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19431808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SisterDuffin/pseuds/SisterDuffin
Summary: Duffy is everyone’s rock, the dependable, reliable one. But in the mist of her depression, when things get tough, who is there for her? [Contains scenes some viewers/readers may find uncomfortable, descriptions of self-harm and suicide/suicidal thoughts. Set after S33, E11]





	1. Chapter 1

He sighed heavily as he stepped into the house and closed the door behind him. It had been just under a week since he’d thrown Duffy out and he was still getting used to an empty house.

Placing the keys on the side, Charlie removed his jacket and frowned as he heard the gentle sound of music. He followed the sound into the living room and stopped dead in his tracks.

There was an empty bottle of wine on the coffee table, along with a few scattered pills and an empty box. Duffy was passed out on the sofa, although he’d chucked her out, he couldn’t bare to ask for the key back. At the end of the day, this was their house.

He froze a little bit taking in the sight before him but he snapped out of it. He may have been her husband but he was also a nurse. He stepped towards her and swallowed the sick feeling rising from the bottom of his stomach. He reached out to touch her.

“Sweetheart? Shit!”

Her skin was cold, not ice cold but it lacked its usual warmth. He moved his fingers to her neck, praying he’d find a pulse and breathed a sigh of relief that there was one. He knew she wasn’t out of danger yet, whatever she’d taken could still react against the alcohol.

He called an ambulance and whilst he waited, made sure she was in the recovery position. He picked up the empty box of pills and squinted as he tried to make out the writing.

Fluoxetine? That was an anti-depressant, wasn’t it? It was hers? He squinted and found the information on the box and was surprised to find they were prescribed to her. There was twenty-eight in a box, how many were scattered about? How many had she actually injested?

He was thinking clinically, trying to remain focused and not allow his personal feelings to infere, not until the paramedics came. He was still kneeling beside the sofa, he brushed her hair away from her face and kissed her forehead.

“Oh darling. Please wake up, please.”

He checked her pulse again, breathing out when he could still feel it. It was slower than he liked but it was still there. He just hoped the ambulance would arrive soon. As he stood up from the floor, his knees creaking, the paramedics knocked at the door. It was only when he’d invited them in that he noticed the envelope addressed to him on the fireplace, her distinctive handwriting on the front.

He sighed to himself. How did he not notice that she was breaking? That she was contemplating doing such a thing? He was mental health trained so why hadn’t he even noticed she wasn’t herself?

He answered his own question, he’d spent too much time being there for everyone else, that he’d forgot what was important in life.

Duffy. His beautiful, gorgeous wife. 


	2. Chapter 2

Duffy was still asleep by the time they reached the hospital, although she did begin to stir when they attached her to a drip. She was groggy, confused.

She was medically stable. Her vital signs were healthy although her pulse was a little slower than they liked so she was hooked up to a continuous ecg. Her bloods had been taken to determine if what she’d taken had been a toxic amount and whether, she needed treatment. She stirred again, Charlie brushing away the strands of blonde hair from her face.

“Hi,” He said quietly. Her eyes flickered, she opened them and closed them seconds later, the brightness of the ceiling lights giving her a headache.

“Hmm?”

“Ssh, you’re in hospital. It’s okay.” He ducked her hair behind her ear, his fingertips stroking her cheek. Subconsciously, she moved closer to the edge of the bed to be nearer to him.

“Sorry,” she mumbled as she slowly opened her eyes again. This time they remained open and she caught Charlie’s gaze. Her heart sank when she saw the worry and upset in his eyes. She’d caused that. Just like she’d shattered his heart when she cheated with Bill. The memory of what she did, the night she spent with another man caused her to sit up suddenly and she declared; “I’m going to be sick.”

As soon as Charlie handed her the bowl, Duffy threw up the contents of her stomach. It was a vile taste, the mixture of fluoxetine and white wine. She threw up twice more, three times in total and Charlie didn’t speak. Instead, all he did was rub her back and hold her hair so it was away from her face.

“Finished?”

She nodded as she closed her eyes again and slowly returned to the lying down position. Charlie disposed of the sick bowl, washed his hands and returned to the bed, perching on the edge of it.

“Duffy?”

“Hmm?” It was a sleepy whisper and he changed his mind about questioning her. Instead, he kissed her forehead.

“Go to sleep darling, when you wake up, I’ll be here I promise.”

When Duffy woke a couple of hours later, she seemed less sleepy and more with it. Her blood results had come back and they didn’t need to start any immediate treatment, it was more about keeping her stable, they didn’t want her pulse to drop any further.

“You stayed?”

He smiled sadly hearing her whisper. Of course he stayed, he wasn’t going anywhere when she needed him. He moved and sat on the bed, facing her. He stroked her cheek, “of course I stayed. You need me.”

She tilted her head closer to his hand. She needed him more than anything.

“How long have you been depressed?”

She opened her mouth about to lie, to tell him she wasn’t depressed but closed her mouth when she couldn’t think of a plausible excuse.

“Too long.” She admitted with a sigh. “A couple of months.”

She closed her eyes as she began to cry, the relief of no longer having to lie and be secretive about her depression. Charlie kissed the top of her head as he pulled her into a hug. She buried herself into his chest and whispered;

“I’m so tired, Charlie!”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 


	3. Chapter 3

She cried herself back to sleep in Charlie’s chest and he didn’t want to disturb her or wake her. So he stayed where he was, his fingertips stroking the bare skin on her arm.

He’d come so close to losing her. So close and the possibility scared him. He couldn’t ever lose her, without her his life was empty and meaningless. Feeling goosebumps appear on her arm, he covered her with the blanket, not wanting her to get cold.

Although he dozed that night, with her safely in his arms again; Charlie couldn’t sleep. There were too many questions he needed to know the answers too. By morning, she was okay to be discharged and he took her home, back to theirs. The journey home was slightly awkward, Duffy staring out of the window watching the world go past.

“You didn’t have to do this, I would’ve gone back to the hotel.”

He didn’t verbally reply, instead he placed his hand on her knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze. It was only when they got home and he unlocked the front door and told her to sit in the living room; did he realise he hadn’t had time to tidy the living room from the previous night.

Duffy closed her eyes and stepped into the lounge, her mind instantly flooded with the memories of what she’d tried to do. Opening her eyes, she edged towards the coffee table. Picking up a stray tablet from the table, she exhaled. It felt awkward being there. Even though it was their house, there was a definite atmosphere between the two. She began to tidy, trying to preoccupy herself before Charlie returned from the kitchen. Rearranging the items on the table and disposing of the rubbish; she picked up a photograph of the fireplace. It was a picture from their wedding day, a picture that gave her so many butterflies and emotions when she looked at it. As she placed the photograph back down, Charlie entered the lounge and placed two cups of tea on the table.

“Did you want to die?”

She didn’t know how to answer that. Had she really wanted to die or was it more of a cry of help, a sort of release to aid her to sleep? As a nurse she knew the risks of mixing tablets with any forms of alcohol so maybe there was a small part of her that didn’t care if she woke up or not. Duffy didn’t answer the question, instead she sat on the floor near the couch and sighed.

“I never meant to hurt you.”

Now it was Charlie’s turn to sigh. “But you did, you did hurt me and I don’t understand why.”

Duffy swallowed the lump in her throat. She’d never intentionally wanted to hurt him, she hadn’t met Bill as a way of hurting Charlie; she loved him too much to hurt him. She’d got drunk and blacked out, the last thing she could remember was being in the pub with Bill. Then waking up the following morning, in the hotel room with no recollection of how she’d got there.

Duffy slowly brought her knees to her chest and hugged them, a silence between the two of them again.

“Was he worth it?”

Duffy silently flinched at the bitterness in Charlie’s voice, even though she deserved it. She closed her eyes tightly and shook her head.

“Charlie, you’ve got to believe me. I never wanted to hurt you.” She paused, “I got drunk.”

“And fell into bed with another man?”

“Yes.. no. It wasn’t like that!! Please, you’ve got to believe me!” She begged, her voice breaking slightly as she desperately tried to convince Charlie it wasn’t what he thought.

“Next, you’re going to tell me he raped you.” Charlie answered back dryly but upon receiving no verbal reply from Duffy, frowned. His heart sank and he moved from the sofa, crouching down in front of her.

“Duffy?” He touched her arm as she slowly moved her head to look at him. He saw the fear in her eyes and he swallowed his tears. “Are you telling me you were raped?”

Silent tears rolled down her cheeks before she whispered; “I don’t know. I don’t remember anything.”

He sat down beside her and she moved into him as closely as she could. His heart was broken. Why her? Hadn’t she been through enough? Why did he automatically assume she’d cheated?

“Tell me what you remember?”

She shook her head, she couldn’t do that. It was her own fault. She should never have mixed her medication and wine. She should never have put herself in a vulnerable position.

It was all her fault, again.

“Please, tell me.” Charlie said gently once more.


	4. Chapter 4

Duffy moved away slightly from the comfort of Charlie’s arms. There was a distance between them and Duffy began to fiddle with a thread of her cardigan.

“After you sent me home, I…. I called Bill. I needed someone to talk to.”

“Talk to about what?” Charlie asked although he soon answered his own question, “Your depression?”

She nodded, “he… erm, he saw me having a panic attack at work.”

“You’ve got anxiety too?”

She nodded again, still playing with the thread. “I, I was going to tell you but you were so busy. With the inspection and Connie breathing down your neck, you said it yourself I was your rock. I couldn’t tell you I was crumbling.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. How the hell had he failed to notice his own wife had anxiety and depression?

“You still should have told me.”

“I didn’t want to let you down. Or give you something else to get stressed over.” Charlie sighed and reached for her hand. She looked down at his hand before she gently placed her hand into his.

“What next?”

“Bill and I talked. I had a drink, two drinks. Two glasses of white wine. But they…” She swallowed, “must’ve reacted with my meds because…”

The tears were threatening to fall again and she bit hard on her lower lip drawing blood. He went to wipe it away with his thumb but she shook her head.

“I… I woke up naked. In the hotel. And I don’t remember anything! You’ve got to believe me! It’s the truth, I promise.”

He nodded. Although he believed her, deep down, the voice in his head told him it was a convenient excuse. There was nothing spoken between the two, Charlie wanted nothing more to comfort her but he wasn’t sure she’d appreciate it. After a few minutes, Charlie asked the question he’d been dreading the answer too but knew he needed to know.

“Did you want something to happen between you both?”

She swallowed hard but didn’t verbally answer.

“Just tell me the truth!”

“Yes!! Ok, yes!! I wanted to have sex with him to make you jealous, to make you notice and want me again!!” She snapped and stood up. Charlie was slightly taken aback by her confession but answered;

“I shouldn’t be surprised really, should i? Once a cheat, always a cheat, isn’t that what they say?”

That hurt. Like her broken heart had shattered further. She glared at him.

“Screw you!”

She stormed out of the living room, out the front door and slammed the door closed behind her. Charlie sat on the edge of the sofa and rubbed the back of his neck, instantly regretting his words. He was hurt. More than hurt, he felt like his world had been torn apart.

He wandered into the kitchen and took out the bottle of whiskey, placing it in the centre of the table. He sat down opposite the bottle and stared at it. Ten minutes later, he took his first glass.

_Once a cheat, always a cheat._

The words kept playing over and over in her mind. It was true though, wasn’t it? It wasn’t the first time she’d ever cheated on a husband. She necked the tequila shot and sipped her wine.

It had been a matter of hours since she’d been released from the hospital after taking a cocktail of pills and sedating herself. She knew better to drink whilst she was still recovering but right now, she didn’t care. She really was pushing the self-destruct button and spiralling out of control.

“Duffy?”

The last thing she wanted was company, she didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. But as she looked up, her eyes fell upon Alicia and she greeted her with a small smile.

“May I?” Alicia gestured towards the free bar stool.

“You’re more than welcome too, as long as you don’t stop me from drinking.”

A small noticeable sigh escaped Alicia’s lips. She was worried. This was Duffy, Duffy didn’t self-destruct, did she?

“Drink?” Duffy asked, running a finger over the rim of her wine glass.

“Sure,” Alicia paused as she thought, “a vodka and lemonade would be lovely, thank you.”

Ordering two tequila shots, another glass of wine white and a vodka and lemonade; she slid the glass and the shot towards Alicia. The younger woman rose an eyebrow, “shots?”

“What’s wrong? Don’t think I can handle my shots as well as you, young ‘uns?”

“No just I-“ Alicia trailed off as Duffy necked the shot back. She felt, awkward would be the best way of describing how she felt about the situation. She took her shot, a sip of the lemonade and glanced at Duffy.

It was obvious she’d been crying at some point, there were traces of mascara under her eyes and they were red. Alicia could only assume Duffy had, had an argument with Charlie and that’s why she was at the bar.

“Duffy?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Perfectly fine darling.” Alicia could’ve sworn the comment was laced with sarcasm and she sighed. That comment was a clear indication she was anything but fine. Alicia felt slightly out of her depth but nevertheless, collected her thoughts and asked;

“Duffy? Tell me to mind my own business but, you seem a bit upset?”

Duffy laughed, “do I?”

“Yes.”

She took a large mouthful of wine and bit her lower lip. She knew secrets never stayed secret for long in Holby, she knew it would soon be common knowledge that she cheated on Charlie.

“I cheated on Charlie.”

Alicia’s eyes widened. Shit, she was not expecting that bombshell. What the hell was she supposed to say to that?

She sipped her vodka and lemonade and allowed the silence to grow between them as she thought of something to say.

“Oh.” Alicia silently cursed herself, she could’ve said something a little better than _oh_. “Is that why you’re here now?”

Duffy shrugged, finished her wine and waited for the bartender. As she ordered another glass of wine and a tequila shot, she answered back to Alicia. “I didn’t know where else to go so, here I am.”

“Do you want to talk?”

“No offence but not particularly.” Alicia nodded. That was okay, she knew not everyone wanted to talk about feelings and things like that. She finished her vodka and lemonade and watched Duffy carefully as she necked back drink after drink. Alicia knew from experience, that drinking that amount of alcohol wasn’t going to end well.


	5. Chapter 5

Alicia sighed as she fixed her makeup in the mirror, grimacing when she heard vomiting coming from the closed cubicle.

“Are you okay?”

“Uh huh.” Duffy called back before she threw up again. She groaned, the mixture of tequila and chardonnay making her feel 100% worse.

Alicia sighed sadly as she knocked on the cubicle door. “Do you want some water?”

“Hmm? Water, yeah please.” She nodded although Alicia couldn’t see behind the door. She went into her handbag and pulled out a bottle of water before sliding it under the door to Duffy. Duffy gratefully took the water bottle, unscrewed the cap and took a very sips, hoping she was able to keep it down. She didn’t fancy throwing up for the remainder of the night.

“How long have you been feeling like this?” Alicia asked.

“About a hour or so.”

“No I mean…” she paused. Would Duffy really appreciate what she was going to say next? “I mean, the crap shitty feeling? How long for?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The chain to the toilet flushed and Duffy unlocked the cubicle door. There was a slight tense atmosphere between both ladies, their gaze meeting through the mirror. Alicia reapplied her lipstick as the sound of water filled the room.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

Alicia glanced towards her as the older woman washed her face.

“That won’t be necessary but thank you.”

“Where are you planning on staying?” Alicia bit her lip nervously. She knew she was asking a lot of questions and she knew Duffy didn’t like people who asked too many questions and were nosey. On the other hand, Alicia was concerned for Duffy’s wellbeing and mental state. She wasn’t going to leave her like this.

“A hotel.”

Alicia nodded, “if… if you don’t want to fork out on a hotel room, I have a spare room you can crash in?”

Duffy smiled at the kind offer. Why was Alicia so adamant on looking out for her? She could look after herself, she always had been able to look after herself. She was going to decline Alicia’s offer but she gave it a bit more thought. If she chose a hotel room there was no guarantee she would actually get there alone. At least at Alicia’s, there wouldn’t be any surprises when she woke up the following morning.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, you’d do the same for me.” Alicia replied. Duffy nodded. That was true, she’d have done the same if the shoe was on the other foot. They walked to Alicia’s although Duffy did more stumbling then walking. A slight atmosphere remainded between both women but Alicia wasn’t sure if that was more feelings of embarrassment on Duffy’s part. Alicia pulled her jacket tighter around herself just as Duffy drunkly mumbled.

“I don’t like the dark.”

“You don’t?” Alicia replied and she shook her head. Despite seeing Duffy’s vulnerable side all evening, Alicia was still surprised to find her looking so vulnerable. It wasn’t something she was used to in regards to Duffy. Duffy was dependable, the one everyone relied on. She was the one who was always there for everyone else, always happy.

If Alicia was entirely honest with herself, she was worried. Duffy seemed to be on the edge of something, something dark.

“My house isn’t far, five minutes or so.”

Duffy nodded acknowledging that she heard Alicia. True to her word, five minutes later Alicia reached her house and took out her keys, walking up the two steps outside her front door. She guided Duffy into her house and into the living room, insisting she sat down on the sofa.

“Do you want a drink? Tea, coffee, hot chocolate? More water?”

Duffy shook her head and politely declined Alicia’s offer of a drink. She wasn’t too sure she’d be able to keep it down. She sat on the sofa and began to play with her wedding ring, twisting the band around her finger. She’d only been married 18 months. Eighteen months and they were already in trouble.

She felt a tear slide down her cheek and she allowed it to fall,momentarily forgetting she wasn’t alone in the room.

“What’s wrong?”

She brushed the tear away that had settled on her cheek and shook her head.


	6. Chapter 6

Alicia placed a mug of water on the table in front of Duffy, despite the fact she declined a drink. Duffy picked up the mug and sipped the contents. the cold water feeling refreshing against her dry throat.

“You should talk to someone. Keeping everything bottled up, isn’t doing you any good.”

Duffy laughed dryly and sipped the water again. She knew what Alicia was saying was true, keeping everything bottled up just meant the bottle would explode someday. But she was also frightened. Frightened on telling someone what exactly was going on inside. She was afraid of something happening to the demons she’d become acquainted with.

“How long have you been struggling?”

She looked up and glared slightly at the youngster. It was like being interrogated. Alicia met her eye and upon seeing her glare, dipped her head slightly. She knew Duffy wouldn’t appreciate her questions but she had never seen Duffy behave in the way she did today. (And she feared it wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last either)

“I’m just trying to help you.” Alicia said quietly.

“I don’t need help!” Duffy replied defiantly but then she sighed, realising her attitude was probably out of order. Alicia really was only trying to help and she’d done enough this evening, she didn’t need her being stubborn and making things difficult.

“I’m sorry.”

Alicia shrugged, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she settled on the sofa, a warm mug of hot chocolate in her hands. “I shouldn’t be questioning you.”

Duffy put the mug on the table and shifted onto the sofa, bringing her knees to her chest. She rested her chin on her knees and didn’t speak for a minute, “I’ve been struggling for months, it’s just easier to pretend you’re okay.”

“Was there a particular reason why you started to struggle?”

Duffy sighed. She knew exactly when all this started. When all those feelings came flooding back to the surface. All the things she’d attempted to buried and hoped it would never find its way into her life, suddenly reappearing years later. She swallowed and nodded.

“Yes, you.”

Alicia frowned. “Me? Why?” She didn’t quite understand why she’d been the root of Duffy’s problems. She was confused. She hadn’t done anything, had she?

“And Eddie.”

“Eddie?” Alicia was now even more confused, her and Eddie? Why had her and Eddie affected Duffy so much? She wasn’t quite connecting the dots or successfully adding up here. Duffy hoped Alicia would get what she was saying without her being too direct but it didn’t seem likely. She sighed sadly once again and stayed sat how she was. Did she really want to talk about this? To Alicia of all people?

“I was you once. I was a few years younger but I was you.”

It suddenly dawned on Alicia what Duffy was talking about. Eddie. Her. She’d been the reason Duffy had began to struggle, because Alicia reminded her of her younger self? Her eyes widened.

“I…. I didn’t know.”

Duffy smiled slightly, “nobody knows.”

“Not even Charlie?”

“Not even Charlie,” Duffy repeated and met Alicia’s gaze. Alicia didn’t know what to say. For the first time that evening, she was lost for words. It felt like an eternity between the females before Alicia answered; “what did you do?”

“Not a lot.” She answered truthfully before shifting slightly, “I pretended nothing happened but it got harder and harder. Harder to…..”

“Tell yourself you’re okay when all you can do is, replay it over and over?”

Duffy nodded. It was exactly that. God, it had been over thirty years since she was raped. Almost thirty two to be exact but as soon as it became public knowledge about what Eddie did to Alicia, it was like she was back there. All those feelings she’d buried, returned. Stronger than they were before.

“I, I should go.”

Duffy stood up. She needed to leave, to create some distance between her and Alicia. She’d already revealed too much. She wasn’t supposed to have told Alicia, Alicia wasn’t supposed to know her darkest secret.

“You can’t keep running away from this.” She said gently, “you’ve tried.”

“Don’t Alicia, please!”

Alicia stood up and gently stepped towards Duffy, “this won’t go away.”

“Stop it!”

Alicia swallowed and paused. She collected her thoughts, “if you don’t deal with this now, it’ll keep pushing you more and more towards that edge. By refusing to acknowledge what he did to you, you’re letting him win.”

A loud slap echoed around the room and Alicia gasped, her hand reaching for her cheek. Her eyes wide in surprise at the slap, she did not expect that.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been an eventful forty-eight hours. She’d tried to kill herself, had gone to hospital, being discharged, argued with Charlie, got drunk and assaulted Alicia.

She sat on the floor in the bathroom, behind the door. Her hotel room was feeling cold and empty, and she was feeling more lonely than ever before.

Her phone rang again and she picked it up, Charlie’s name flashing upon the screen. It had been the forth call she’d had off him that morning already and she allowed it to continue to ring.

She didn’t want to talk to him. They’d only argue and she didn’t have the energy. Her phone pinged. A text message from Charlie:

_Please let me know you’re safe. Xx_

She didn’t respond. What was the point? He’d made his feelings pretty clear when he told her she was a cheat. Not that he was wrong, she was a cheat wasn’t she? On top of everything else.

She rested her head against the wall. Silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She was tired. Tired of feeling like she was drowning. Alicia was right, there was only so much she could take before she went over the edge but the thought didn’t scare her as much as she thought it would. Maybe that’s what she needed to do, maybe she needed to go over the edge in order to put this to rest.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. She sighed sadly, standing up and wiping the tears from her cheeks. She unlocked the door and stepped out.

“You’re crying?”

She shook her head, “I’m fine.”

Bill stepped towards her and Duffy bit her lower lip. She made eye contact with him before she closed the gap between them and lent up, kissing him tenderly. Her hands began to unbutton his shirt as the kiss grew more heated.

Staring at the ceiling not long afterwards, her chest raising and falling she hated herself for what she’d done. Once again she’d slept with Bill only this time she couldn’t claim it was a mistake. She’d chosen to have sex with Bill out of choice, hoping it would fill the void that was growing inside.

It did not. The void continued to grow. The crushing guilt.

Sex with Bill wasn’t the same as with Charlie. Hers and Charlie’s was great, heated, passionate and loving. With Bill it was just sex. That’s all it would ever be. It would never be anything more.

She wrapped the duvet around herself tighter before she slowly sat herself up. She reached for her underwear on the floor, beginning to get redressed.

“Where are you going?”

Duffy shrugged as she moved out of the bed, pulling on her jeans, doing up the button and zipping them up.

“For a walk, I need to think.”

Bill nodded, “Will I see you again?”

“Maybe—-“ she paused as she turned to the mirror to fix her hair.

Bill sighed as Duffy pulled her blouse on, buttoned it up, followed by her jacket and the card for the room. She went into the bathroom to retrieve her phone finding another missed call and another text from Charlie.

_You’re worrying me, please just let me know your safe. I love you x_

She stared at the phone, tears filling her eyes again. She bit hard on her lower lip before she sent a simple text to Charlie.

_I love you too x_

She composed herself for a couple of minutes before she left the hotel room. Leaving the hotel, she went for a walk. 


	8. Chapter 8

Duffy found herself by the river, on the embankment, sat in a pile of flowers. She picked one of the flowers and began to tear strips of the petals. She burst into tears. She sobbed hard as she picked more of the flowers and then proceeded to destroy them. Ironic really because that’s what she was doing to herself, destroying everything.

She cried for a while as the sky darkened, before there was a crackling sound and the heavens opened. She knew she should probably move, go indoors somewhere but in an odd way, the coldness of the rain was soothing her. Slowly filling the emptiness inside.

She didn’t know how long she’d been in the rain but it wasn’t long before she was soaked head to toe. She watched the way the rain fell and hit the surface of the water. Taking her phone out of her pocket, she hesitated about texting Charlie. Her finger hovered over the call button before she decided against it.

Returning her phone back to her pocket before it became damaged in the rain, she stayed sat fiddling with the stem of the flower, without the petals. She closed her eyes, not really knowing what to do anymore. Well she knew what to do, she had to talk to Charlie but the thought of talking to her husband about how she was feeling scared her.

There was a vibration in her pocket and she frowned slightly. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, well anyone who wasn’t Charlie. She chewed her lower lip as she stood up and edged closer to the side of the river. The rain had eased off slightly and she contemplated throwing herself in to the river. She took a step forward.

“Don’t you dare!”

She turned around quickly, almost falling over her own two feet in the process. Charlie was stood on the embankment, a small sad smile upon his face.

“How did you know I was here?”

“You always come to the river when you need time to think.”

She nodded and stepped towards Charlie. He closed the gap between them and held his arms out for her. As she melted into his embrace, she whispered; “I’m so sorry.”

“Ssh, it’s ok. How about we find somewhere to talk? Get you out of these wet clothes?”

He was so thoughtful, such a gentleman. Why had she done what she did? Why did she destroy his heart? Break him. Why was she such a bitch?

“I don’t deserve your kindness.” She paused, “not after what I’ve done.”

He shook his head and stepped backwards slightly, gently moving her hair from her face and tucking it delicately behind her ear.

“You’re not well darling.” He closed his eyes and kissed her forehead. A small, gentle kiss that caused Duffy to burst into tears. “You’re not yourself but we’ll get through this, I promise.”

She fell asleep in the car, on the way home. Charlie glanced over at her every now and again. He felt guilty, why hadn’t he noticed? He should’ve noticed that she was breaking apart. She was his wife. He supposedly knew her better than she knew herself. Pulling up on the drive, he watched her sleep for a couple of minutes before he got out and went round to the passenger side.

“Sweetheart, sweetheart we’re home.”

“Hm?” She stirred a little and he smiled sadly. He gently woke her up before deciding to carry her inside. He carried her upstairs and lay her down on the bed. He gently removed her wet clothes, put her in one of his teeshirts and covered her with the duvet. Lying next to her, he kissed her forehead.

“I love you.” She wrinkled her nose in her sleep and moved closer to him, into his side. She didn’t want to sleep alone, tonight. She needed Charlie more than anything.


End file.
